I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
