You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
