I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
