tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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