you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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