I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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