i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no you cant smoke seaweed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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