I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
