Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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