Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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