What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
