Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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