Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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