woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
