9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
