just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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