I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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