Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
