"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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