they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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