So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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