You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
