Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
