It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bring me that man meat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
