You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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