the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
