well I can't set my house on fire every night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
