Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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