We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
