I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
