You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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