the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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