No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
