I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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