May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
