Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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