hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
