White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
