i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
