i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
