someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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