i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
