im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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