Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
