i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
