Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
