just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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