i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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