i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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