Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
