isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
