Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
