Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
