2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
