Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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