jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
