I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we made out on top of his cat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Less talking, more tequila
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
