You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
