if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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