i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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