one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
