i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if only i could text you this smell
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
