I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
