The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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