You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
