So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ttyl tear gas
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
