Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
only you would photoshop your dick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
