Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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