I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
