I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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