i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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