The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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