get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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