He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
